When Toddlers Attack

I spent nearly 15 minutes lovingly molding our favorite bilingual adventurer (below) out of Play-Doh. I finished my creation, and set her on the kitchen counter for my two and a half year old to admire.

DO NOT make fun of my Play-Doh skills.
(For those of you without an active imagination, this is Dora.)

Of course, she wanted to "hold" her. And by hold her, I knew she meant destroy her. Because that's what my little angel does best. There's a reason we call her "destructosaur." First, it was the head that popped off. "Uh-oh mommy!" Then, it was her arm. "What happened to her arm mommy?" Then, it was this:

Poor Dora. Even Boots can't save her from this misfortune. 

An Everlasting Crush

This is our "before" picture. Note how well rested we looked!

November 23, 2001- I climbed into the passenger seat of his blue Chevy Blazer, my emotions a mix between nervousness and pure joy. He was a cute boy. A very cute boy. And he was taking me to the movies. Should I show my excitement? Play it cool? I must have handled myself quite well, because I'm now married to that very cute boy.

We met while working at Sheplers. I was 18, he was 21. I asked him to clean my boots. He happily obliged, and what started out as roller-coaster crush turned into something real. Something lasting.

A lot has happened in ten years. We've grown up together. We've fought like crazy and we've loved like crazy. We've moved five times. We bought a house, sold it, bought another house, and moved it eleven miles to our 80 acre patch of land. We've lost a baby. We've brought two more into this world. We've seen some of our friends get married, and some of our friends get divorced. We've seen family members die. We've laughed, we've cried and most of all, we've stuck together.

To my best friend, my lover, my partner in crime, I'll always see you as that very cute boy in the cowboy hat with the mischievous smile. Here's to another ten years together. And another. And another.

Notes from the Underboob

-Obviously a well-fed baby-

If the topic of breastfeeding makes you uncomfortable or squeamish, you may want to stop reading. Or, better yet, get over it.

Seriously, a woman can serve up her cleavage on a platter in nearly any public setting, and nobody blinks an eye (because they're all staring), but if a woman chooses to feed her baby in public? Scandalous! I know, I know, the breastfeeding environment in general has improved, but I'm still shocked at the comments I hear sometimes. Some people are just downright grossed out.

Everyone is entitled to their (misguided) opinions, but how can something so natural be so disturbing to some people? God gave women breasts to feed babies, and to manipulate men, but mainly to feed babies. I'm not a breastfeeding extremist, but I feel strongly that more women would be successful if society in general was a little more accepting. I even hesitated about writing this post, but the more people who talk about it, the better it is for moms down the road.

Here's the deal. I quit breastfeeding my first daughter at three weeks, due to an awful infection. I probably didn't have to give up, but I was so exhausted from trying to fix it, that I chose my mental sanity over my ability to breastfeed. She was raised on soy formula, and she's amazing. She's intelligent, funny and very attached to her momma. But she did have terrible stomach problems from the formula--reflux, constipation, you name it.

So, when my second daughter was born, I was determined to make it work. Even though I know formula is great, I wanted to avoid all of the gestational problems that can sometimes come with it. And through sheer will and determination, I can now say it's successful. I still have to supplement with formula (she's a very large baby) but I'm completely fine with that.

Despite all of the challenges I've had, I can honestly say it's been worthwhile. The bonding, the lack of tummy troubles, the contentedness...it's all wonderful. Now, having said that, I would like to share some of the downsides that nobody really told me about. Everyone has a different experience, so please don't think all of these things would apply to you.

1. Breastfeeding is not free. 
Yes, if you're able to exclusively breastfeed (no pumping) and use washable breast pads, and borrow some nursing bras, and use regular pillows for support, and not need Lanolin, then maybe, maybe it will be free. Otherwise, you may have to purchase: nursing bras, breast pads, breast pump (not cheap), breast milk storage containers, Lanolin, support pillow, nursing stool, etc. The good news is, even with all of that overhead, it's still cheaper than formula over the course of a year.

2. It may not improve bonding with all of your children. 
When you have your first baby, marathon nursing sessions can be wonderful. Just you, the baby, and quiet time to relax and enjoy your little miracle. Now, throw a two-year-old into the mix, and it's just downright exhausting. "Mommy, I need a drink." I can't right now, I'm feeding the baby. "Mommy, I need a snack." I can't right now I'm feeding the baby. "Mommy, come stop me from opening the fridge and pulling out all of the contents." I can't right now, I'm feeding the baby.

You get the picture. Those first few months were tough. Very tough. But, my oldest daughter got to experience what it means to feed your baby in a natural way, and hopefully she'll have success with her own children someday.

3. You'll feel like a cow (or a milk truck)
If you return to work after having your baby, you'll become a prisoner to your pump. And pumping, my friends, is not fun. Don't worry, it's not horrible, it just gets old...really old. You have to continually remind yourself that it's worth it, and that you'll be in a world of hurt if you don't do it regularly. The upside is that working mothers can still provide breast milk for their babies. Imagine if this lovely invention didn't exist!

And with that, I must end this post. Because it's 10 p.m., and I have to perform my motherly duties before going to bed. ((Yawn))

The Darndest

Someday, I'll wish I'd written down the funny things my kids say. So, in order to avoid the pang of regret, I'll keep track of them here:

September 2011:

Anna: Mommy and daddy are married.
Me: That's right. And are mommy and daddy happy?
Anna: No. You're married.

David: Anna, you're crazy!
Anna: I'm not crazy, I'm beautiful!

Me: Anna, who taught you how to be sweet?
Anna: David

Anna to David: I'm not a boy. I don't do dishes.

Me: Anna, who taught you how to be cute?
Anna: David
Me: And who taught you how to be funny?
Anna: Baby Erica
Me: And who taught you how to be smart?
Anna: Catherine

Me: Anna, that makes mommy very mad.
Anna: Don't get mad, get glad!

October 2011:

Curtis: Look at the pretty sunset Anna.
Anna: Yeah, God made it for me.

Anna Singing Taylor Swift:
"Kiss me on the sidewalk, kiss me on a boat..."

Clay

Break me and shape me
Move me and shake me
Tear me down to build me up again
Too hard and I crumble
Too soft and I stumble
Mold me with your loving hands


Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.
Isaiah 64:8

Shed a Little Light

I attended the funeral of a woman today whom I did not know very well personally. We'd met several times at networking functions, and I was instantly impressed by her warm presence and ability to really look someone in the eye. She was a pillar of the community and a dear friend to many of my friends and colleagues.

I can honestly say it was one of the most beautiful services I'd ever been to. No generic accolades or vague terms of endearment. This was a woman who'd truly touched people.

As stories were told of her enduring nature and generous heart, I couldn't help but focus on the large pillar candles flickering on the alter. I began to wonder about my own legacy. What will be said at my funeral? Will I be known as someone who only looked out for myself, or someone who tried to "shed a little light"?

I think most of us live life trying to protect our own flame. We guard and protect the fire within us, and when it's snuffed out, all that's left behind is a darkened void. Fortunately, there are individuals who spend their lives reaching out to others, and igniting their inner spark. They move through life with compassion and kindness, and never keep their light to themselves.

And when their flame is extinguished, even unexpectedly and prematurely, their fire continues to glow in the friends and family they've left behind--and I really don't think there's a better way to shed a little light than that.

All dogs go to...

2007: The day we brought Brady (left) home from the shelter
to be a friend to Morgan (right).

"Where's Brady?"

It's a question I dread having to answer. What do I say? How do I tell my two year old one of her "puppies" got ran over? Do I just tell her the truth?

Do I tell her he went to live with Jesus? Even as I type that I snicker, thinking of Brady tearing through doggy heaven, knocking things over, splashing through any water he could find, and wallowing in heavenly cow dung. (Yes, he had an addiction to rolling in bovine poo, although in heaven it probably wouldn't smell bad.)

If I'm being honest, I have to admit Brady was often a pain. We brought him home from the Humane Society in the spring of 2007, and the first thing he did was fling our rug across the living room, bark nonstop at the TV, smoke detector and any other object he didn't recognize, and pee on our couch in the basement. Needless to say, we didn't get off to a good start.

But I believed in Brady. I knew that under that bumbling, hyper, furry exterior was a sweet, loyal dog. And I was right. He was the perfect cuddle companion while I was recovering from surgery after losing our baby in 2008. He also had a fierce side, which he only let come out when I felt threatened by someone while taking him for a walk. And he was the perfect sidekick for our first-born fur baby Morgan.

I'm sure if Morgan could talk she would ask about Brady, too. And I suppose I could tell both her and Anna the truth. I can't be sure of where dogs go after they die, so I could tell them, "He's down at the creek." Because somewhere, in some distant place, he probably is. We'll miss you Bubba.

New Mom No-Nos: Things Not to Say to or Ask a New Mom

See? I told you she was cute!

Ten weeks ago I gave birth to a delightful baby girl named Erica June. Double motherhood is exhausting, but she's totally worth it.

I'm not sure if I didn't notice it as much the first time around, or if I was even more sleep deprived than I am this time, but people say annoying/insulting/ignorant things to new moms! I'm sure they're well meaning, but I thought I would come up with a list of things you probably shouldn't say to or ask a new mom (unless you're just feeling mean spirited).

1. Is he/she sleeping through the night?
Um, just look at these dark circles under my eyes. And the fact that I just swerved into that wall while walking down the hallway. Do I look like I'm getting sleep to you? Do I?! Sorry, I'm just a little on edge.

2. Are you breastfeeding?
Nonya business. Unless you're my doctor, or another new/soon-to-be mom looking for support, this isn't really necessary for you to know. If breastfeeding is going well, awesome. If not, you're likely to cause feelings of anxiety or guilt.

3. It looks like you've lost almost all of your pregnancy weight.
Nice try. The key word there is almost. Please don't remind me of the 15-20-25 pounds I have left to lose. Instead, just say "you look great."

4. Are you planning to have another?
For pete's sake, this one's still hot out of the oven! And besides, until she's sleeping through the night, I'm done breastfeeding, and I've lost those last pregnancy pounds, I probably won't be engaging in any activities that could put me in that condition again.

So there you have it. Next time you run into an acquaintance who just had a baby, simply say "your baby is beautiful and so are you." You really can't go wrong with that.

Dear Erica June

I hope you know how much I love you. I didn't really sing to you, talk to you, or obsess over nursery details for you. I've talked about you a lot, though. I've told your big sister over and over how much you love her, and how much she's going to love you. I've taken my prenatals religiously, and made sure to eat as healthy as possible. I've gone to all of the doctor appointments, followed directions, and now we're just waiting.

Waiting to meet you. Waiting to begin our life together as a family of four.

We probably won't take as many pictures of you, or scramble for the video camera at your every single move. But you know what? We don't love you any less. We're just more relaxed now, and I think we'll enjoy your infancy a little more.

You won't come home to a fancy house, or even a relatively clean one for that matter. Sometimes, things are pretty chaotic around here. But it's warm and absolutely full of love (and a generous amount of laughter).

I hope your big sister treats you well. I'll try to keep her from picking on you when I'm not looking, cutting your hair, telling you scary stories and otherwise doing what older siblings do. But then again, that's what memories are made from.

So, whenever you're ready, so are we. Of course, after all of that, you're probably a little scared to come out. I can't blame you. :-)